Lord I Give UP”

I would like to share something very personal. Something I have kept hidden even from my own family. Do I want to? No!! But this is about being obedient to the small still voice of the Holy Spirit.

God gave me a glimpse of heaven! Who am I to keep this God of miracles to myself? 

I’m writing this for someone who may have: lost a loved one; lost their way in life; is struggling with alcohol, drugs or a sex addiction; lost their faith or belief in God; miracles; is battling depression; doesn’t see a way out of their situation; feels that life just keeps on pushing them down; lost their self worth.

God can open a door for you that no man can shut. Today can be the day you have prayed, cried, longed for, a day you will make a change

Maybe you don’t have anyone to speak to, or perhaps the fear of what people might think is keeping you from opening up.

God has not Forgotten You

God has not forgotten about you! And He hears your prayers, but you need to allow him to help you. The key to your freedom is to let go of what is holding you down, but how?

On 10 December 2013 my world came crumbling down. My father, who had been a Pastor for decades, lost his battle with cancer. I remember holding his hand on his death bed while it was still warm but I was to late. I regretted not saying goodbye to him or repenting from my sins which he so dearly wanted, even cried for.

I knew it would have been artificial and that I would have done it for the wrong reasons, but it left me deeply wounded. I was a changed man.

I tried to surrender to this Jesus but with no success, the enemy of my soul knew my weaknesses all too well and he was not about to let his royal servant go.

The problem was that I had not truly surrendered it all. I held on to the empty promises of this world. You cannot serve two masters, for you are robbing yourself of your salvation. My entire personality slowly started to change.

Downhill Spiral

My mother remarried soon after my father’s passing, and the truth deep down my heart grew heavier.

“I am a man, I am a tough guy,” I desperately told myself. Who was I kidding, I needed someone to talk to, I needed help!

Soon after, my relationship with my girlfriend started to suffer from my hidden emotions. The girl I thought I was going to spend all my days with was fading away. My work sent me 1453km away from home for nearly a year which didn’t help my situation. The day of my departure to my new job location the new cutest puppy I left her died and soon after our relationship.

 I got two big fines on my way, and she complained of demonic activity in the house.  I was on a downhill spiral and things weren’t looking any better! My car broke down…I thought to myself, can it get any worse?!

The enemy of my soul knew how to help me destroy myself even further with the help of certain drugs- alcohol, women and steroids. I destroyed myself and slowly became more and more depressed.

I Fell to My Knees

By this time my small business bringing in the much needed extra money was nonexistent. Any available money was used to feed my addictions  and water my depression. I missed my dad, my ex girlfriend, my family! My brother was in Vietnam and my mother was with her new husband 1000km away.

I was struggling to sleep and began having severe demonic dreams. I was crushed! Just as things couldn’t get worse I was sent back home on an even smaller contract which would mean a smaller pay check. 

The enemy of my soul didn’t miss an opportunity to make me feel worthless and that I had gotten what I deserved. No amount of alcohol could take away the pain, no artificial high in this world could provide me with happiness. I went to the gym more times a week than most people go in a year. I pushed myself beyond my limit. I was starving my body with “unhealthy” food, but things only got worse.  It seemed there was nothing that could fill the hole in my heart.

I was in the hospital three times with severe anxiety attacks which medicine and injections couldn’t cure. I was prescribed medicine that nearly killed me. Could it possibly get any worse? The last time after being in the hospital for a month,  something happened that changed me completely.

I slipped out of my hospital bed and fell to my knees, and prayed to the God of my father. I told the Lord that I needed His help! I said, Lord, I give up! Let Your will be done and not mine, You are the potter and I am your clay. Lord I want to go to heaven! Help me!” And God answered my prayer. I surrendered all to Him, everything! I came out with all my sins. I was tired of running and was ready to face my demons.

As I opened my Bible the first verse I read was: “YOU ARE MY SON ; TODAY I HAVE BECOME YOUR FATHER.” In my darkest hour God gave me His word!! It brought me to tears.
God was not done with me yet. One night in an emotional state, with eyes filled with tears I began to pray. I asked the Lord that if my dad was there with Him… to please give him a hug and tell him that I love him!

The colors around me were so bright… and the grass so green and everything looked so… real! As I wondered where I was a voice said, "I have someone here for you” …and then I heard a laugh that I would recognize anywhere, anytime, in a million years, it was my dad standing in front of me!!!!

He was wearing a bright white robe and he reached out to shake my hand!!!I couldn’t believe it…as I touched his hand I could feel it, he has this big soft hands that you would recognize blind folded…I grabbed him and gave Him a tight hug!! I told my dad that I loved him and then burst out in tears!!!

Then my eyes were wide open, and I was lying in my bed, I was shocked!!

The only thing I could do was to go down on my knees and give thanks unto the Lord!! I wanted Jesus to give him a hug and he surely answered my prayer!!! I give my praise to You Lord!

Facing My Demons

With a heart filled with forgiveness I faced my problems and demons, and received a peace that I cannot describe. In giving my all to Jesus He gave me all I needed and more!!! 

I needed to let go of this world and the things I thought I needed, boy was I wrong!!! God wants what is best for us!!!He wants to release you from the prison you are in, but you need to let Him do that for you!!
The bigger your oppression, and the bigger your calling, the bigger your reward will be! 

”Whoever wants to be My disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me,”(Luke 9:23).

I am proud to say that today I am a BTECH Safety Management, and a Theology student with an amazing job that gave me an increase!!! All my debt is paid off, my new car is on the way and my family relationship has never been better. I have a new place to live with brand new furniture, and I can afford to run an extra business on the side.

I can’t remember the last time I was this happy and often catch myself smiling for no reason! I am free from all forms of addiction, and I have an amazing church with people who have the same goals in life. I was baptized on the 10th of December 2015, which is also the day my father passed, and the same day he started to work in the church. I am a new creation, mind, body and spirit.

You see, for God it was never about anyone else…it was always about me. And so it can be for you to! Let it all go, and give it to Jesus! Cast your burdens on Him for He cares for you! Our time on this earth is limited, why not take a chance on Jesus today? 


A prayer you can use right now:

"Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one
free me now from the spirit of a heavy heart and illness
fill me with your holy spirit and love
take all my burdens upon You Lord for it is too heavy for me
I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior
Thank you Jesus for my healing
Amen."

I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Jean-Pierre Smit: South Africa


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Lord, I Give UP!



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Samuel L Mills
P.O. Box 4456
Maryville, TN 37802