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My Story starts when I was very young. I was born in a great family, my Dad was very loving, our finances were good at all times, but from the beginning my relationship with my mom was complicated, and it never got better. Each year it grew worse.
So at age 19 I found my first true Love, started my studies and was desperate to get off my mom and dad's neck as I couldn't take the pressure of what they were expecting me to do, and this is where things got bad. Being naive, I stepped into the web chat business.
At that time in my country, there was a poor chance to have a normal paying job. I wanted to be free of my parents, and was ready to do anything just to make it happen. And this is where the story begins.
A few months later I packed all my stuff and left my parents and my boyfriend without notice. I went to Greece to dance strip because I was ready to do anything and make any change in my life to find hope, freedom and happiness, even if I was giving up my love, family, friends - everything.
However, on my way to Greece, I needed to change flights. The terminal was massive, and there was a guy in that area, so I asked him for directions to my gate. Instead, he began to offer me sex and when I said "no" he tried to pull me into the shadows or somewhere to force me, (it was around 1 am), but at that moment a lady came by, and I was able to slip away. God had intervened because if that woman hadn't shown up, I would probably have been raped.
I prayed to God to find a safe place in Greece and luckily I did, and no one ever hurt me there.
My parents eventually found where I was and pressured me to return, and I did. I came back home broken and empty, and my relationship with my mom got even worse.
When asked by others why I returned I lied and said that someone had actually raped me. I lived with that lie and told this story to anyone who asked.
Finally, because I was so furious and bitter with my mom, with only 30$ I left my home once again and stopped contacting my parents completely.
I slipped for the second time and got in the porn and prostitution business just to pay my rent, and to have a place to stay, and food to put in my mouth.
Things got worse and worse with every month until I traveled to London. I remember saying before leaving, "I will find a wonderful man there that loves me more than I do myself," and with a broken heart I prayed that God would just once give me that somebody.
After a month in London, I was empty and broken. I remember saying to myself, "I can't do this anymore," but I had no choice, I needed 2000 each month. I was desperate and in big trouble.
A few days later I met a dance coach on the street that had once been my teacher and a great comfort. From that day on, we were together.
I started a new life, but when he learned about some of the things from my past, (some I had told myself), we moved to London.
After two years I gave birth to my firstborn daughter and a year later to my second, at home with no doctors, but God protected me.
Years passed, and I felt that my husband was a blessing. I experienced a normal family life, and how it is to truly love somebody, to forgive, and not to lie. I needed to get rid of all the things I had learned from my family and to find a new way.
However, starting over in London was very difficult, and when we had financial issues I started to use self-shopping systems to steal food, etc. It got worse and worse until I couldn't control myself.
At that point, I Christened my kids and got myself in a church where I accepted Jesus Christ. My life started to take shape and change for the better, and I began to read the Bible more.
I started to pray, to forgive more and to look for a way to find peace in my heart. However, I felt deep in my heart that things with my husband were getting worse. And it wasn't only him, the bitterness I carried from the past, affected everything.
Conditions became so bad that we were forced to split for over a year; (we didn't break up, I just went back to my mom and dad).
He stayed in London to sort out our home and financial situation, and I stayed with my parents, grandparents, and kids.
Finally, I started to look for a way to solve my troubled relationship with my mom. I remembered a dream that I had years ago where I had gotten rid of the heaviness my mom had placed on me, and that I genuinely was in heaven afterward.
I knew this was the answer, and that I wouldn't go back to London until we had finally sorted out our relationship. It was painful because at the time she treated me like she still hated me.
When I couldn't take it anymore, I asked my mother in law for help, and she sent me to see a lady with paranormal skills who could supposedly identify the real problem and show you what to say to God. However, this visit turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes I have made in my life).
I now realize that God wanted me to come directly to him, not through other people. And so I prayed seriously about our relationship, and about my marriage situation in London, etc.
But things only got worse and worse with each day.
Because I lived in the countryside, it was hard to get to church, so I started to pray at home. Then one night I awoke with a scary feeling. I looked around, and there next to my bed was a demon. I was scared and lighted a church candle and prayed for my protection.
Next day I found a book about psychological protection. I learned about meditation, how to release one's body, etc. So when I prayed, I attempted to clear my mind by praying deeply about everything. I always saw myself as being in church next to the altar. One day I began to have visions, and that is where I lost my self-control.
In my vision my actions were demon based. Although I did nothing harmful, crazy things happened. Meanwhile, things with my mom and I were getting worse. I tried to speak with her once slowly and calmly, but it ended with her screaming at me and calling me useless, and schizophrenic.
It was really disturbing, but I told her the truth about what had happened to me in Greece, and in turn I learned that my mom had been raped at the age of three. Then she cried and said she was sorry. Afterward, our relationship was much better..
A while later I started to have more visions, and my bed was often covered with sweat throughout the nights. I had dreams of God trying to warn me of what was about to happen, but I never took them seriously because at the time I didn't believe in dreams.
A few weeks later the bubble crashed. My dad threw me out of the house when I began to stand against things, and not to do as others required. So I stayed at my granny's home.
However, for the first time in my life, my dad wanted to solve something, so I made a point to talk, but only with the whole family at our big table, and so we did. For the first time in 40 years our family sat at the table and talked through our problems.
It was very rough, and most of the conversation was about Mom, not me. After that, I noticed a change in my mom but also realized that something was happening to me.
It was the demons who were giving me the power and strength to stand against my mom, and it almost ended me until my mother in law told me that I had a devil on my back. The moment I heard this, a demon started to squeeze me, and my battle began.
Before the devil started pretending to be God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and I were intensely together, so I prayed with all my heart.
My mother-in-law's advice was to pray for forgiveness and to ask God to put me under the blood of Jesus, but when I prayed my head would shake crazily, and I had no control over my body. Whenever I looked at a photo of Jesus a demon would try to get into that image and show a different face.
I couldn't sleep at night, and I could feel the demon trying to reach every area of my flesh. It attempted to make me kill myself, but I considered that to be absurd. I read the Bible for hours, and when I would read a psalm, he would try to get me to fall asleep.
When I went to bed, I would put Jesus photos all over me, but once I got asleep, the demon would vigorously attempt to pull me out from underneath the blanket.
When I prayed I would burn a little juniper branch that I had been told demons do not like. In the beginning, it was the only way I could pray. I remember saying, "God, cmon, please help me!"
I was almost placed in a psychiatric hospital, but God didn't permit it to happen. The right people at the right place didn't allow me to be taken, (and that wasn't my family).
I took my Granny's prayer book in my hands and prayed about everything that I felt would help me. At times, when I sensed that the demons did not like it, I did it five times. I also confessed that I believe in God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy spirit, separately and deeply.
That night God forgave me and sent the answer I was seeking. When I received it everything went away, the bitterness, anger, everything that was evil in my soul died at that very moment.
I was born new and as clean as snow, and my relationships with my mom and my dad were resolved, and I thought the problems with London had also been settled. We could now go back.
I never really had a feeling of choosing until the moment God truly forgave me.
Only now do I realize how it feels to not be controlled by an evil force, and to understand my actions; so I stopped blaming myself for everything. I had four days rest and pulled me back together. Then I went back to my husband in London where we had fallen apart.
However, once in London, it was soon apparent that because of the problems he had been forced to handle alone and in carrying out his duty to solve everything, there was nothing left between us.
Things had previously been so bad that I had not told him what had actually happened. I just followed his example and did the same thing; so when I came back and tried to explain he could not understand.
He was angry with God and blamed Him for all that had happened, and he was mad because I had chosen to pray to God instead of seeking psychiatric help. I continued to take care of my girls, but everything we once had was lost, and I was heartbroken.
I prayed and asked God to take my life because I couldn't bear the pain of my broken relationship with my husband. But I started to search for inspiration, and this is where the church stepped in. With God directing me I began to watch Steven Furtick's sermons.
If not for his sermons I would never have truly understood about God. It changed my view of God, and I started to hear a voice that directed and protected me and kept me from new sins; while helping me get rid of any trace of sin from my previous life.
Although I could not resolve our relationship God asked me to take a vow to accept him as my husband and to never leave him; so I did, but nothing changed.
I prayed and screamed for God to show me what was happening with my husband, Days later this voice (more like a thought) said, pray, pray, and I did, but it only became worse.
I prayed for his sins, and God directed me to find a long list of wrongdoings the Bible counts as sin.
So I started to pray for each one of these sins, but the Spirit said to me, "no, this is not how you pray. At each point, you must say, Dear God, please put your servant, my husband, under The blood of Jesus Christ, and sanctify his soul with Your Blood and release him from the evil. Jesus Christ, I ask you to forgive my husbands sins. In Jesus name, Amen.''
The grief got better, but a few days later returned ten times worse. I finally understood that the Evil in my husband's heart was causing the suffering, not me. I thought that perhaps my husband had done something dark in his past that he had never talked about.
So this shocked me, and I started to see my husband from a different perspective. I had always thought he was better than me, but the truth was, he had more deep and evil secrets in his heart than I did. I could not forgive him because that evil was too dark, and so powerful that I could barely stand in its presence.
The voice again said, "You must pray the same thing, but at the end, you must say that you forgive with all your heart."Minutes later I watched more sermons, and heard Steven Furtick say, "you must forgive yourself," and pray for forgiveness for your loved ones."
With each prayer, my head would begin to shake violently, but when I finished, I had been released from the demons.
I prayed again the same as before, only this time I had to add at the very end, "I truly forgive his sins through the love of Jesus Christ." I knew I couldn't do it by myself, and that I needed his help.
To be honest, if I had not taken the vow to God to not leave my husband I would have simply broken up with him and left, but now I was forced to stay.
At the very end, God said to me, "The devil will not step back until you command him to do so."
So at the end of all this, I prayed and commanded the Evil to get off of my husband, and from me as well. Afterward, I had a nice sleep that I hadn't had in weeks.
Then, with the help of the sermons, I got more and more Into God. From that point forward I submitted myself to Jesus Christ. Despite my husband's hate for him I put Jesus' picture next to my bed and told Him to take my life if He wants, and offered Him everything that's left of me.
I gave Him my life, my kids, and my relationship with my husband.
I stopped praying for my relationship with my husband and left it in God's hands, along with my faith, and my work, everything is in God's hands - everything.
I was born again. I have a deep peace and happiness that does not depend on other people, only on Jesus Christ. In sad moments it fills me with joy. I have made steps for a better self, and I now dare to say no to the sins my Husband commits.
I truly do see him, and other things, differently now. God showed me how, and made me stronger than ever.
Because of my love for Jesus the channels by which the enemy can reach me have been blocked. If I do find a little trace of it, I ask God for help and courage to get rid of it.
If it hadn't been for the church, I don't think I could have raised myself from where I was, but God directed me to them, and I love Him so much for showing me the way.
Ieva: United Kingdom