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"Jesus Has Carried Me"

Jesus is so amazing; I wouldn't be here if it weren't for his hand over my life. Since the moment I was born, Jesus has had a plan for my life even when the enemy tried to destroy me.

To begin with, I was a failed abortion attempt. My mother was six months pregnant with my twin sister and me when she decided she wanted us out. So she went to a doctor who gave her medicine and then used a coat hanger to deliver us.

My mother left when I was two; I couldn't walk until three; the doctors could never say why. I experienced physical and sexual abuse and never felt like I had someone to belong to.

My dad may have been present physically, but he was messed up in his mind because he suffered from schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and manic depression.

I've even seen him try to commit suicide many times, either by cutting himself or overdosing on pills or his insulin. And he would always pick women who were bipolar and abusive to my siblings and me.

I was in and out of jail or prison for the next nine years from the age of twelve. When I was fourteen, I met my mother and three other half-siblings, but I had only known her for two and a half months before they were married.

She was very neglectful. I lost half my body weight, going from a size twelve to a size six. Anytime she was stressed, she would leave and drive off for hours at a time or lock herself in her room, not even opening it when my little sister threatened suicide.

After that experience, my mother told me she would always love me but never consider me her daughter; so I began looking to self-harm because I knew my mom didn't want me, and my dad was in prison.

Something Beautiful

Seven months after leaving my mom, I was at a church service in my childhood church.

There was a man named Keith visiting; he was a prophet from Sydney, Australia; we had never met before that night in March of 2013.

Nearing the end of the service, I went up to the front pew near the altar to pray. After my sisters in Christ prayed with me, Keith told me that God had planted a seed in my heart.

Keith asked, " Do you know how that seed grows? I responded, I don't know, he said, first, it has to take root deep in your heart, then over time, it will turn into something beautiful.

He also told me Jesus told him I shouldn't be angry with what my parents did to me and I should forgive.

A year passed, and I was now 16, and I needed Jesus more than ever because I had developed Complex Regional Pain Syndrome.

It's where you get an injury, and it may heal, but your brain keeps sending pain signals more than it should.

Basically, my brain told my body it was dead, but it wasn't, so my circulation was cut off, and to compensate, my body made me feel on fire.

Jesus Has Carried Me

For the next five years, Jesus carried me every day, not just physically but emotionally, because I touched no one, and all that time, I thought of suicide, but Jesus sustained me, and in the end, gave me the ability to touch back.

Jesus helped me graduate high school when not many thought I could. It took two years longer because I was in and out of the hospital.

Jesus saved me eight times that I know of when I should have been dead.

I was in so much pain for many months that I couldn't even sit down without screaming. I would take 5-6 hot showers a day because that was the only thing that would take the edge of the pain as long as I was in hot water.

Then when the doctor did the surgery, what he thought was a cyst and not that serious was actually my right Fallopian tube.

All my organs were covered with scar tissue to the point anytime they would try to expand, the scar tissue was wrapped around them multiple times and squeeze them to the limit.

I had an infection so bad the liquid was brown. At the age of nineteen the Doctor said that I should have been dead over a year and a half ago.

Jesus also saved me from a car crash. I wasn't even wearing a seatbelt because it wasn't working, and I thought nothing of it. Then the car crashed and was totaled, but the worst thing I got was whiplash.

Jesus was also with me through homelessness, and I could go on forever about all the things He has done for me. 

He was there all the time; everything the devil tried to use for evil, Jesus used for good.

Sidney: United States

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Maryville, TN 37802