Growing up I didn't feel loved. I didn't have the love that I needed around me. So I said that if I didn't have it growing up. I will create it. I would draw people in and make them love me so much they couldn't get enough of me.
Only thing I thought about was makeup, hair, and getting my next dollar. Because I feel like money made the world go round. And if you don't have money in your pocket and if you're not looking good you are irrelevant.
I didn't have God in my heart, so I didn't care about people's feelings, of how I hurt them, or treated them, as long as I felt popular and wanted; I made people feel lower, so they felt like they needed me, all because I was insecure in the inside.
The money that I got wasn't enough from working. I felt like I needed more so I started asking my male friends for it and doing sexual favors to get it and it still wasn't enough.
So I reached out to people I didn't know just to get money; I didn't care if I didn't have dignity or morals. The only thing I thought about was my next dollar, and getting more makeup, more hair, and becoming more popular.
Little did I know that I was looking at the world with Rose Colored Glasses and that the spirits around me were growing and growing and growing.
Little did I know that wasn't the love that I needed. I only looked at things on the surface and everything I did caused more and more problems.
It wasn't until I got saved, gave my life to the Lord and went after God with my whole heart that my days weren't so weary. I felt so much pain inside, intil I started reading my Bible and getting to know God.
I started to realize that I was someone fearfully and wonderfully made. I was the child of a king, and I mattered, but was living my life in a downward spiral.
I never had in my entire life heard God speak to me until I followed him with my whole heart. God Started talking to me and telling me the things I was doing that were wrong.
God spoke life into me because before I started reading my Bible, I had no life in me, just walking around as if I was dead because my heart was black and cold.
I am a living testimony that God is real. No man ever loved you the way God will love you. No human can love you the way God will ever love you. Once you figure out God's love and how much he loves you, you will begin to accept his love and to start loving yourself and others as well.
My mind is renewing, my thoughts are changing, and my ways are changing. God has made me brand new, and I am thankful.
Syreeta: United States