It is on my heart to share with you my first memory in this life; I remember it like it happened yesterday:
I was three years old, walking down the hallway of our house towards the family room. About 3/4 of the way, I got a sensation from behind, like someone tapping me on my left shoulder to gain my attention.
I turned around, and no one was there. I glanced around and didn't see anything or anyone; then I looked up at the ceiling. That's when I saw a black, wispy fog above where I stood. It sort of looked like smoke the way it formed and curled at the edges.
It started to envelop my body. It wasn't scary, and in fact, it was peaceful, and I felt safe. Somehow, I knew that I was the only one who could see this. It came down over my head and down my body; when it reached my knees, I was told: "There's something you're not supposed to remember anymore."
Like the fog, I knew I was the only one that could hear that voice. I paused for a moment, shrugged my shoulders, and then said out loud, "okay." I turned around and finished my journey to the family room.
I remember thinking later that I still knew who my family was and things I had eaten that day, but wondered what it was I was made to forget? Oh well, I shrugged it off. For many years it didn't bother me until somewhere in my late teens.
I tried like crazy to remember. I tried meditation, self-hypnosis, brainstormed ideas like alien abduction or reincarnation—all to no avail. The only thing I never questioned was the voice. Somehow, without explanation, I have always known that it was God's voice.
I still don't know what I was made to forget, but I think I might have an answer. Sometime in my mid 20's, I was driving past a billboard that was about abortion, and it quoted a verse from the Bible. It read, "I knew you before you were formed in the womb. Jeremiah 1:5."
That's when a light bulb went off. I began thinking, if God knew me before I was born, then I must've known Him too!
Through a little research and knowledge about God that my parents taught me, this is the conclusion that makes the most sense: God gave us free will to make the choices we want to make. He doesn't want to force us to love Him; he just wants us to choose Him because we want to.
In John 4:23, 24, it states that He seeks those who want to worship Him in spirit and in truth. True love is never forced. It's a reciprocal sharing that only multiplies and never divides.
God is love, the only source. That's why our Father sent His Son Jesus to die for us and then resurrected Him in glory and honor—giving us a chance to either choose Jesus as our Savior, or not.
Regardless of what we choose, He loves us, all of us. Not one of us is a mistake, and we were created for a purpose. One of those purposes is to have a relationship with Him, but only if we choose it.
If I had remembered what happened before I was born, then how could I choose Him now with free will? Truly I am thankful that He caused me to forget.
As a result, I freely give my heart to Jesus while trusting and believing in Him as my Lord and Savior. In this way, I can worship Him in Spirit and in truth.
Pamela: United States