"Self Condemnation and
what God can Do"

Folks I'm going to start by saying, I'm not a speaker, I'm not a preacher and I'm not trained to be doing this sort of stuff. But here goes. I have a story about what God can do.

I was saved in 1984, and for about ten years I was loud and proud of my salvation and Savior. This all changed when I failed God, my wife and family, cheated on her and lost it all overnight. I never doubted my salvation, or that my children forgave me and for that matter even God forgave me. The big problem was I could not forgive myself. I hated what I had done.

From that time around 1994 until last summer I lived what I call the life of a " useless Christian "...heck most people didn't even know I was one. Cold, lifeless, quiet, NO JOY to speak of. Nothing....useless...no value to God....

That all changed when I had open heart surgery. It went well at first and then toward the end went terribly wrong. After I was closed up, my heart stopped, and they had to bust me back open and pump my heart with a hand for 11 minutes....no heartbeat for four is considered dead. It was a disaster for weeks, and I only started to come out of it slowly after weeks of darkness. I wasn't expected to live.

I'd love to say I talked with God, saw angels, saw heaven but I didn't....time stood still for me. What I did awaken knowing is it was ok to forgive myself...I didn't have to think about it, ponder it nothing, the JOY Id once felt from Gods presence in my life was back with a vengeance, better than Id remembered. He told me I could let myself forgive myself as he had long ago. My wife says God spoke to my spirit directly and if I ever needed to know about it I will.

Holding on to the past, self-condemnation, and un-forgiveness of self is a tool satan uses to hurt Gods children....don't let him. If you stumbled, fell, sinned, whatever ask God to forgive you and mean it...lift up your head and move on. I wasted years that I could have been of service to my King all because of that lie from Satan....don't be like me.

Neil: United States

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