Greetings my friend.
I would like you to know that there is a God in Heaven who still answers prayers. (Fact).
You can personally experience this by honestly asking Jesus to reveal himself to you, and asking him to fulfill some of his promises in his word (the Bible) in your own life. I know it may seem nuts, but what have you got to lose?
The reason I’m sharing this is that I too have personally been in a very Dark and lonely place, feeling hopeless.
As a kid, I always prayed to God, but because of the widespread abuses a lot of people go through when they were younger, (i.e.) sexual abuse, the bashing, (and the usual self-hate that goes with it), I felt I had the right to do what I wanted when I wanted.
Thing’s like doing drug’s 24/7 to feel better inside, and the use of violence at the drop of a hat if I fel threatened, and quick, easy money here and there.
I felt God owed me for letting such things happen to me when I was so young. I was angry at God.
Long story short, I started asking Satan to make things happen when I wanted to have fun, thing’s like connection’s to piles of drugs and women, but in the end I got more than I bargained for as I progressed into insanity and misery!
During this period, I managed to achieve my dreams of becoming a Professional Skateboarder (which l asked God for) but in the end, self-sabotaged everything through the doors I opened with Satan.
Next thing you know my younger Brother Ben (who lived as I did), murdered his girlfriend and committed suicide after losing his mind on drugs. He had also lost his Professional Skateboarding career because he got caught importing Cocaine from the USA to Australia.
I was diagnosed as a Drug-Induced Schizophrenic, and BPD, (borderline personality disorder). I started getting arrested quite regularly for being belligerent and fighting very dirty at Bars.
The voices in my head had me convinced the world was laughing at me and that if I didn’t get in first with possible situations, I’d be victimized again like when I was a kid. I was paranoid and in self-protection mode constantly.
Unfortunately, this carried through into my family life.
I ended up one night hitting my wife and hurting her pretty bad because the voices in my head convinced me she was cheating and was going to rob me of my kid’s; which turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was locked up and then deported from America, losing my family and Skateboarding career.
Once back in Australia, I became really down and out. I remember one night when I was on a Xany, Meth and Booz bender. I just wanted to see my little Brother Ben again; so I shot up 100s of bucks worth of Smack to end it all.
I woke up in a Hospital, and the Doctor couldn’t believe I could talk. They said that I had been dead past the amount of time that causes severe brain damage.
My girlfriend at the time, who is now my wife Helen, can vouch for this. I had her on the phone, talking her through what I was doing as I was trying to kill myself.
The next day, after she called around the Hospitals and found me, she spoke with the doctor. (She was in Melbourne and I was in the King’s Cross, Sydney). It was a serious miracle that I was found and didn't become a vegetable!
Well, it came to a head when six months later, I jumped on a plane to South America and was caught coming back into the Sydney airport with 1Kg of Cocaine.
My brain was properly cooked by this point, hearing voices, (which I know is Demonic), and more unstable than ever. I was looking at a long time in Prison, and my Son Billy had just been born to Helen.
I had an Aboriginal mate in Long Bay Prison who I was talking to about my case. He could see I was stressing and didn’t want to lose another family by getting ten years for the import.
He told me how he got a light sentence after taking the Prison Chaplain’s advice on honestly asking Jesus into his life and changing his ways, with God’s help, but sounded too good to be true.
I began to realize that after everything I had gotten away with, and the ungratefulness I showed God over the years; that I was reaping what I deserved.
I was desperate and couldn’t stand the thought of letting another Kid of mine grow up without a Dad, so I thought, what have l got to lose? So I started reading my Bible,and saw these verses that stuck out to me:
I tripped out on these verses as all I wanted was a family and God put me with my perfect match, Helen, and gave me a Son straight away even when I was in my worst condition, and living in a way that was against him.
I began to realize that God had my back beyond my understanding and what I deserved. I told my Chaplain, "I find it too hard to trust anyone because of the Pedo in my childhood and the bashings from my baby sitter."
I still found it hard to trust God, so I was going to lie in my case about the Coke being for personal instead of for monetary gain, which carries a longer sentence.
Then I read these two verses:
So, in the end, I started praying hard, asking Jesus to forgive me. I admitted that I loved the bad life and asked him to make me hate the drugs; because I thought, I won’t miss what I hate.
I also asked for the courage to trust that he (Jesus) would put in the Judge's heart, to give me a lighter sentence than what I deserved, while admitting the drugs were for monetary gain.
So, I did what my mate in the yard said, and boom, I ended up with a 5 with a 3, but I had already done 1.5 years, and was out 1.5 years later with two year’s parole for a kg of coke! Another prayer answered!
All the prayers and promises I held onto came to pass, Thank you, Lord!
Now fast forward a bit, there were more issue’s I needed to address which took me seven years to work out after Prison. I would go from six months to a year sober then out of nowhere I would get the feeling exactly the way it it is to feel a fat shot of Meth, and then I couldn’t control myself and end up on a massive bender.
I felt like a fraud and hated myself, but God led me patiently as I was gently guided to different Christian friends who told me about getting Deliverance.
It took me a few session’s, but I seriously felt something leave me, and the secret lust for a fat shot of meth that I couldn’t control was gone; proving to me it was demonic oppression from the doors I opened when I was younger.
I kept saying out loud: “Jesus if you are truly God, please reveal yourself to me and help me.”
My Locusts were the Drugs, and I am living proof that God can and will restore your life from Hell.
Jesus is real, and I am telling you the truth. God will help you if you honestly seek him with all your heart.
You have nothing to lose!
God bless you, my friend, whoever you are!
EMAIL: tasm pappas at gmail dot com
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