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"A Valuable Lesson"
How to Love Myself

In 2017 I had a dream, a dream where Jesus was present. I was outside on a nice day playing around with some friends. At the time, I was 19, headed into a pivotal point of my life.

In the dream, I remembered being outside playing with friends. Then I started to hear Holy music coming from the skies. I looked up, and a huge cloud was forming in the sky; I was very confused. 

Next, I remember myself and others (not the people close to me) beginning to be pulled towards the cloud as if gravity was drawing us. After a short time of floating, everything went dark. 

I opened my eyes and noticed I was now on the cloud with others in a kneeling position. To my right was a guy; I looked about 50ft ahead, and there was a bright light, an essence. The music was much louder now, as if it was coming from that direction. 

I looked back to the right and asked a guy I had never seen before, "yo, what's going on?" He looked at me and said that's Jesus over there. I became silent and realized that I was being called to the light. 

 The next I remember was heading towards the light and having a conversation. I never saw a face and don't remember the conversation. But I know we had one.

I became very spiritual during the next few months and started spreading God's Word. I had the opportunity to do something amazing with my life. But satan came at me hard through a married woman. 

I fell into temptation and destroyed the life I was building. I was broken down and quit on myself, and it took me years to recover.

Once I got back on my feet, I found it on myself to forgive myself for the people I hurt and then fell for another woman. After falling for her beauty, her games, and loving her more than myself, I realized that. I was putting her before God in ways and losing myself. 

I took a stand in the relationship and chose to stand for love, self-love, and respect. Once I made the transition, the woman couldn't take it. She left me, and who knows what she is doing now.

Through this pain, I've realized I'm an empath, a Male empath. I thought my value was determined by how much I gave myself to others, even at the expense of myself. 

I've noticed God has been trying to teach me a valuable lesson for a while, love yourself first. I gave so much to people who were hurting and seeing them feel better made me feel worthwhile. But after I drain myself, it leaves me weak, and I depend on a return to be able to function. 

I'm very codependent, and it was the only love I knew. I've pushed so many people away with my needy behavior in life. I don't have any friends right now, but I'm standing strong in self-love as the girl is tempting me to come back and fall for her lies. 

I'm suffering lonely nights, days, and withdrawal from a codependent toxic relationship.

I look at what I'm going thru today and think back on my experiences right after the dream. The temptation I fell for was for the same reason; I didn't love myself first. I hope my testimony can help someone else due to boredom.

Love yourself ❤

Demetra: United States

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